These vintage advertisements are so unusual to what we can expect to see today, they will leave you startled, and in many cases, they will leave you laughing out loud.
"Kids Are Like People"
Last time we checked, kids were people. So, to suggest “kids are like people” beggars belief. The entire ad reads like a “how-to” for addicts. “Frist your child likes those jolly Trix colors.
Next, she loves that fruit sparkly flavor. Then she digs in like she was made for this nourishing good-grain food. And she is… They’re habit-forming.” Get them addicted to the sweet stuff, huh.
See more old school ads too risqué for today:
TV Benefits Your Children
These days, you don’t really need to advertise for people to show their kids television, with this being the norm.
Sure, today you have a good selection of educational television programming. However, too much of anything is good for nothing like my dad says, so parents remember that moderation is everything.
A Young Brooke Shields
When your selling point is “the only leading shampoo that isn’t mostly detergent” you’ve got to wonder how bad the competition must’ve been.
Brooke Shields certainly came a long way since advertising soaps for washing old dolls. Some people really lacked ideas back then, huh.
A H̶a̶p̶p̶y̶ Healthy Meal
The average Australian meal contains a generous serving of meat, from the traditional kind such as cattle, to “bush tucker” which includes kangaroo, emu, crocodile, witchetty grubs, Quandong, bush tomato, yams, and macadamia nuts.
So to see a McDonald’s (locally called “Macca's”) highlight it’s nutritional benefits, isn’t exactly a stretch.
Lookout Ladies!
The 70s were definitely one of the most iconic in terms of fashion. Who can forget bell-bottoms, mini-skirts, vintage clothing, platform shoes, bright colors, glitter, and satin, everything was a-go.
Apparently, denim jeans were the way to go to get the ladies. Who knew?
How Exhausting
We’ll admit, we’re a bit iffy regarding the physics of this contraption. However, we’d hedge our bets that using the exhaust as a vacuum cleaner makes the inside of a vehicle more dangerous than sweeping the dirt the old-fashioned way.
Carbon monoxide is toxic. Exhaust fumes exit outside the car for a reason.
Butter Me Up
If anyone ever invents a time machine, they need to go back and tear down these advertisements which arguably led to many people suffering from cholesterol, in other cases diabetes, and other ailments. To think, they advertised butter as something that was good for people once upon a time.
For the record, butter does not “lubricate your arteries and veins”, quite the opposite in fact, it’ll block them.
Drink Cola Before Teething
We have to put into question what these “laboratory tests over the last few years” were. Today, it’s obvious carbonated soft drinks (fizzy drinks, soda pop) aren’t good for your health, particularly for children. This is due to the over-consumption of sugar-sweetened soft drinks being associated with obesity and other health issues such as low nutrient levels.
It’s crazy to think the health claims companies made when they had less accountability for their assertions. This is one change we can all agree the government got right.
My Little Edible Pony
“My Little Pony. I used to wonder what friendship could be until you all shared its deliciousness with me. Big flavors, lots of fun. A delectable heart, tasty and strong. Eating scrumptious, succulent meat. Oleomargarine makes it all complete.”
Pony butter. Who knew this was ever a thing. But we’ll pass, thank you very much.
Chicken Soup For The Win
Chicken soup has long been touted as a form of folk medicine particularly to treat the common cold and similar conditions. It appears this was (and still is) considered a remedy for the flu with many a mother and grandmother swearing by it.
Saying there’s 50% more chicken, however, is open to interpretation without knowing how much chicken was in the recipe before.
Farming With Dynamite
Forget about safety. Back in the day, some farmers at least wanted the quickest way to farm their fields.
And what was better than dynamite. Yes, dynamite. Thankfully, the practice has long since passed, otherwise, we’d all have to watch ourselves, cattle included.
Creepy Eyed-Kid
This one is all about the imagery. Have you seen a more sinister-looking child placed on an advert? Just look at those malicious eyes – this kid wants your soul.
It’s almost as if he’s telling you the food is poisoned (not that it is) since he’s not exactly putting it into his own mouth.
"So Pure, So Wholesome"
This baby is nothing but all smiles and which little one isn’t when their sweet tooth is fed with sugary sodas even before they’ve developed teeth themselves. Start ‘em young, aye!
We would like to know where they get the information about “lots of mothers do[ing] that” comes from. Give your baby Seven-up, and you’ll be up until seven.
Approved By All, For All!
So, let me tell you about the birds and the bees, the flowers and the trees, the moon up above and a thing called “love”!
We all know that people were more reserved and discreet in the past, and this even applied to when it came time to explain to kids where babies come from. Luckily, for any uncomfortable parents, this “how you were born” record was available.
4 Good Reasons
Some say air hostesses are glorified waitresses, but we’re inclined to disagree. Traditionally, aesthetically pleasing features and a slim physique were and remain part of the unofficial job description.
It wouldn’t be fair to call it exploitation when no one forces people to take the job. It remains one of the few jobs exclusively for attractive looking people. Haters will hate.
Totally His Type
Back in the day, society was certainly more conservative. In the United States, it was also more religious.
So what better way to advertise a typewriter as a Christmas gift by quoting the book of I Corinthians from the New Testament of the Christian Bible?
Beer For Babies
We’ve seen cigarettes for expectant mothers, and cola for babies, so it shouldn’t surprise us to see beer advertised for breastfeeding moms.
This beer company actually tried to make the claim that their beer was beneficial to both the mother and the baby. One thing’s for sure, everyone slept well back then.
A Lead Party?
It’s shocking to realize there was a time Dutch children were gleefully playing with toxic lead paint without their parents realizing the harm it was causing their little ones.
Lead poisoning occurred when paint powder got stuck on children’s fingers and was then placed into their innocent mouths. This was anything but a “party”!
"The Willpower You Need To Undereat"
Where do we begin with this poster? First, there’s the very fact the advertisement promotes the consumption of sugar – yes, sugar itself. This alone would make people raise eyebrows today.
But then there’s the fact it tells you that it will help you undereat as if that’s something beneficial for your health. Sugar. Ah, honey, honey. You've got me wanting you.
Sanka Very Much
Do you know there is one universal cure to prevent arguments, insomnia, migraines, losing one’s temper, or yelling at your children? Yup, it’s coffee. Or more specifically Sanka Coffee.
This decaffeinated coffee is the answer to many of life’s problems. We agree with the coffee part but disagree about the decaf part.
From The Ground Up!
This is quite disconcerting, to say the least. Sure, most children like to see airplanes taking off and landing, but why did they have to portray the photo from this angle?
It becomes even more puzzling when you see the grownups wearing winter coats while the children wear skimpy skirts. These girls could probably jump over this fence in an instant. So much for safety.
How Shocking!
Talk about “shock value”! This electric belt sells for the low price of $12 and claims it helps with “nervous diseases of all kinds”.
It sounds more like a torture device than something a person would buy to assist with an ailment. Believe it or not, despite being labeled a quack cure, it was popular in the second half of the 19th century.
Double Pregnancy Or Double Standards?
In today’s generation, this might be considered “offensive” due to the discussion on what constitutes “gender”.
But not so long ago, an advertisement like this was used to scare people into undergoing an abortion, by who else but Planned Parenthood, who of course profit significantly from selling off the fetus. Somethings never change.
Hard Work = Cuteness
Did you know that a woman’s level of cuteness is proportionate to the amount of hard work, or more specifically household chores, she undertakes? Well, that’s exactly what this advertisement wants to say.
We’re not arguing that cooking, cleaning, and dusting is a lot of work, but to equate that to “cuteness” is quite the stretch. Vitamins. Yep, vitamins are this woman’s secret to her stamina.
We'll Pass On The Peanut Pie
What does a nude baby with a detachable collar, holding a top-hat over its, ahem, delicate parts have anything to do with Karo Syrup?
Your guess is as good as ours. For some, it would be enough to lose one’s appetite. These days, there’d be a boycott for the product if they ever repeated this graphic.
Strange Way To Sell Soap
If you’ve ever heard of the idiomatic expression “don’t throw the baby out with the bathwater”, then you’ll know it means avoiding an error in which something good is eliminated when trying to get rid of something bad.
This expression, of course, came at a time where water was scarce, and the entire family would bathe in the same bath taking turns, with the baby inexplicably going last.
So, when Pears’ Soap wanted to advertise their product, they figured it would be a good idea to use the age-old expression. We’re skeptical on how effective it actually was.
It's A Man’s World
If this ad is anything to go by, it goes to show how far society has come. There has never been a better time to be a woman than today, contrary to what the media might lead us to believe.
Some men might argue they would prefer a man’s world but doing so these days would alienate them from virtually every woman, and many men too! Breakfast in bed though, that shouldn’t be gender-specific.
Pregnancy-Friendly Ciggies
These days we know the dangers of smoking while pregnant, however, there was a time where no such research existed, and tobacco companies took full advantage!
Can you believe they advertised cigarettes for pregnant women? Unbelievable.
What Is The Connection?
At first glance, you’d be mistaken to think this advertisement is about some kind of Christmas party or a Secret Santa delivery service. However, the poster is advertising roller bearings.
Why they needed to use these pictures of these two women in shorts pulling a sleigh filled with presents is anyone’s guess, but the lady in red particularly deserves to be commended for smiling while lying on the freezing snow dressed like that.
"We'd Be Lost Without It"
You can’t help but wonder how people were able to sell sugar as healthy in the old days.
To think Wrigley’s advertised sugary chewing gum as being beneficial for people’s “teeth, mouth, throat, and digestion”. Aren’t you glad we live in more informed times?
Anxiety Is Just A Myth!
Who needs prescription drugs, when all your anxiety issues can be solved by a warm, cup of Ovaltine? After all, it promises to “ensure steady nerves, sound sleep, and abundant energy”.
We can’t swear by the effects of this malty beverage, but if you’re against pumping your body with prescription drugs, then perhaps it might be worth a go.
Priorities, Priorities
This is one of the few adverts on our list where we may be inclined to agree with the poster. Who doesn’t love a good old scotch and dry, huh? But seriously, if you don’t have a business, you don’t have money to buy yourself some whiskey.
A case of cause and after-effects. In some regard, we appreciate the whiskey company’s candor here.
Doctor’s Advice?
If this isn’t misleading advertising, we don’t know what is. There’s a gigantic difference between doctors who smoke a brand of cigarettes versus doctors who would recommend smoking a brand of cigarettes.
Naturally, this advertisement uses the information of the former and rewords it to appear like the latter. A word of advice, if your doctor recommends smoking cigarettes, consider switching doctors.
Hatch, Match, & Dispatch?
Over-smoked? These days even one cigarette will be considered over-smoking by health professionals as each cigarette shortens a person’s life by 7 to 11 minutes according to research.
To make matters worse they use an adorable photo of a puppy-eyed baby to guilt-trip mothers into lighting up a ciggy. This is a crime!
Walk All Over Her
Quick question: What is this poster advertising? If you guessed rug/carpet, shoes, BDSM, or even maid, or escort services, you’d be wrong (even if it would make more sense than the actual product). The real answer is "slacks" (a common term for pants or trousers).
We really struggle to understand what the connection between that and the phrase, “It’s nice to have a girl around the house.” We’re certain no woman (or man for that matter) likes to have someone step on their head with their dirty shoes. Who says women had it easy back then?
You’re Not Dreaming
Back in the day, people (both men AND women) were a lot more hands-on when it came to manual labor. It was a generation where women were quite capable of creating clothes for the family by stitching garments themselves.
So, with many women being housewives, retailers would advertise sewing machines as a Christmas gift for the ladies. Context is everything as they say.
Judging People By Their Appearance
Lookout Sherlock Holmes, we’ve got a new detective in town! But really, this is one of the most ridiculous claims we’ve seen. According to this “practical character reader”, a person can be adjudged to be deceitful simply by their appearance.
We admit, sometimes you have to trust your gut but this takes it one step further and prejudices people simply based on their physical appearance which they had no control over. That’s rough, man.
"Reduce Your Flesh"
We struggle to think of any occasion where “reduce your flesh” would be an appropriate slogan, apart from perhaps, liposuction. Even then, there are much better ways of sounding less crass.
Some of the claims people made such as “dissolving the fat through perspiration produced by wearing” these garments. People would say anything for a quick buck back then.
"That Special Zing"
Coca-Cola sure did lower its targeted market over the years. We quite dig the “Breakfast at Tiffany’s” theme the advertisement pays homage to.
But what we are really curious about is what “that special zing” means. If it’s anything close to Coca-Cola’s original “coke” recipe, give me some of that!
Innocence Is Sexy
We understand the idea of an innocent woman falling for a bad boy and learning the ways of the world is a popular theme in romance novels and films.
However, using what appears to be a dolled-up adolescent child with a teddy bear to emphasize the point is nothing but shockingly poor taste. The less said here, the better.
Magic Soap!
The only way this would be remotely believable was if the person using the soap hadn’t showered for decades and washing away the grime would give the appearance of them losing weight.
But we all know this isn’t what “La-Mar Reducing Soap” claims to do. Let’s hope the soap smells better than their fishy claim.
Sure It's Punny, But Is It Funny?
It’s no secret that then, even more so than it is now, video-gaming is predominantly a male hobby. So, naturally, companies focused their marketing efforts on their core audience at the time, that being young males.
It doesn’t take too much of an imagination to understand the innuendo behind this graphic. Know your audience, aye.
Suicidal Porcine
Hey, it doesn’t have to be in English to startle us. This French advertisement for pork shows the pig not only committing suicide but also slicing itself up evenly ready to be put on the market.
Don’t go bacon my heart.
"Free For Chubbies"
If you want evidence society has become more sensitive, then look no further than this poster. Back then it was deemed perfectly acceptable to classify ladies as being “chubby” when they fell into these sizes. Nowadays, there’d be an uproar over the word “chubby” before you even had time to put the poster up.
Keep in mind, “chubby” was considered more attractive back then when it was seen as a symbol of affluence and prosperity. It’s all about perspective as they say.
Lock, Stock, And Two Smoking Barrels
In what world would this seem like a good idea? It’s difficult to fathom how a child handling a dangerous weapon was seen as an acceptable idea for promoting and underwear range.
Let’s just say, little Jimmy is packing a lot more than what his dear mother thinks.
Santa's A Not So Little Helper
The real question is whether this blonde beauty will be on Santa’s naughty or nice list if you know what we mean? Old Nick seems to be getting quite the eyeful. We struggle to fathom how giving stockings to a woman for Christmas was ever acceptable.
Saint Nick, looks anything but innocent and with this kind of gift-giving we wouldn’t be surprised if he was sweating underneath that red suit. No, no, no.
Soap For The Pope
Given the constant discussion around the abuse of clerics in the Catholic church today, in hindsight this advert would appear to be in poor taste.
So, reading “and a nice little boy had a nice cake of soap worthy of washing the hands of the pope” unfortunately elicits a giggle by most people. Oh, the innuendo.
Don't Swallow Petrol, Unless You're A Tank
One we can ascertain from these advertisements is that people in the old days were better marketers than they are today. How else would they be able to convince people to swallow petroleum jelly to cure “occasional constipation”?
Thank goodness there’s better regulation for false advertising these days.
"Stay Brown Th' Year Round"
Nowadays we have research to prove that sunlamps, in fact, do not increase people’s vitamin D levels. In some cases, these lamps have been proven to be harmful to people.
Putting a baby under a sunlamp, though? Where do people even come up with these ideas?!
Who Needs Mistletoe?
This is one advertisement all the ladies in the house will loudly exclaim “amen” to. Why did this never become a thing, am I right, ladies?
Standing under the mistletoe might get a lady’s curiosity, but give a girl a scotch whiskey and you are sure to get her attention.
Cellophane Stalk Baby?
Disclaimer: Never ever put anyone in a cellophane bag. Woah, woah, woah! How did this even get published?
We’re all heard of the stork delivering babies myth, but this is just irresponsible. When your selling point is keeping food clean and sanitary, why not put a delicious home-cooked meal, instead of, you know, a baby?
A REALLY Bad Hair Day
Mental health was treated very differently in those days. People just got on with things instead of relying on psychiatrists and pharmaceutical drugs to numb their feelings of inadequacy. So, when a company advertised a special shampoo formula to make you feel better about your hair, you can’t say no.
Apparently, it is the “root” of all your anxiety. For the record, a bad hair day should never lead to suicidal thoughts, people. Oh, boy.
"Fat Girls' Diet"
Back in the old days, people were a lot less sensitive to other people’s insecurities such as their weight and appearance. So they would cut straight to the point and put out a guide titled “Fat Girls’ Diet” for example.
Some of these diets are extremely specific, but our favorite would have to be “how to get rid of a double chin”. Straight to the point, indeed.
"Where She Belongs"
Keep “who” where “who” belongs? Are they talking about the shoe or the lady? Also, why does the lady need to be nude?
And lastly, who would wear this shoe out in public? Maybe they needed the lady to sell a shoe so hideous. At least her ring matches the shoe. Ha. Keep the shoe, we’ll take the lady.
"She'll Follow You Anywhere"
Who knew, blowing carcinogens on a girl’s face will supposedly get them to follow you? All it takes is “a puff in her direction and she’ll follow you, anywhere”. The best part though is its claim that “you get smoking satisfaction without inhaling smoke”.
The things people would say to sell their product. Ladies will tell you, this is more like the surest way to get slapped. You’ve been warned, fellas.
Kiss And Tell... The Time!
Decisions, decisions. When you have choices such as “she’ll say "darling”, “a kiss for every jewel, sir”, “worth a double hug”, “…and an extra hug”, “you won’t need mistletoe”, and “m-m-m”, you’ve got a difficult decision to make.
Personally, I would take the entire set! Remember, fellas, a gentleman doesn’t kiss and tell.
Spank You Very Much
Somehow, seeing an advertisement like this today could be viewed as advertising someone kink in our “50 Shades of Grey” generation.
Although we would never condone physical abuse, we are firm believers that what happens in the bedroom should stay in the bedroom. To think, all this over buying the wrong coffee brand.
The Queen Of The Beach
Before there was “fat-shaming” there was and still is “skinny-shaming”. Society’s vision of the perfect body changes with every generation.
In decades past, a more voluptuous figure was deemed attractive by society, and believe it or not there were pills advertised to help ladies add curves.
Safety Is No Accident
Back before the modern discussion on gun control, when people had more common sense, revolvers were freely advertised and marketed for their safety.
You read that right. To add effect, it includes a picture of a little girl sitting next to her doll playing with the gun. Oh, bless her heart. Guess they’d say guns aren’t the problem, people are, huh?
Heil Abstinence
There is arguably nobody more hated in all of human history than Adolf Hitler. So, when you want young people to save their virginity until marriage, who better than the Nazi leader to paint as the enemy of a person’s honor.
We’re not sure how effective this was in the end…
Sanitized Tape Worms?
Nope, this isn’t satire. This is a real advertisement for sanitized tapeworms being marketed as a method for people to lose weight.
Who in their right mind would ingest living tapeworms just so they can eat whatever they want? Don’t even get us started on the other health risks.
A Good Old Fashioned Beating
This one will divide readers depending on their sense of humor. Some will look at it and say “it reinforces the male patriarchy by making light of brutality against women”. Sane people, however, will be able to see the ad in the spirit it was intended - to grab our attention and make us read about the center’s special deals.
After all, most of us are peaceful, law-abiding citizens. Don’t be so touchy, millennials.
Cigars For Kids?
What better way to advertise cigars than placing a toddler spoking one on the package cover? That’s the technique “Young Fritz” went with.
Sure this logo came from 1894, but even then, surely people would have known smoking and children should never be uttered in the same sentence.