Hollywood films and travel ads make it seem like cruises will be nothing but paradise day after paradise day. Although this can happen, it’s not the default experience that everyone has. Partly this is due to the overhyped expectations. People feel that it should be perfect. If it doesn’t reach that (hard to attain) level, then they get upset – usually at the overworked crew staff.
This can be taken in a negative way, but there is also a light comical side to it. Presenting the cruise experience more realistically can help people learn to enjoy what’s more likely to happen. So, without further ado, let’s take a look at life on the (cruising) seas.
What Time Is It?
If you’ve ever lived in a dark room without windows, then you know what Einstein found out all those years ago – time is relative. Without the sun to wake you up at 6 am or let you know it’s nighttime at 7 pm, time gets a bit tricky.
As you can see from the tweet above, cruise employees know this first-hand. When you spend most of your time below deck in windowless rooms, it can be hard to keep track of the time. Is it 1 pm or 4 am?
Tour Promises
Tours are the highlights of the cruise. Sure, the giant boat with all its amenities is fantastic, but exploring a beautiful tropical island is much better! Cruise ships generally stop for a few hours at each port to let the passengers join a tour.
These tours can involve anything from a swim in a crystal clear ocean to a climb up a majestic mountain. At least that’s what the ads tell you. However, not everything is the same as the picture.
Tour Realities
Not to say that some tours aren’t great, but most of them are a far cry from what’s promised in the advertising. First off, it takes a while to get to the beach or mountain itself. Usually, the traveling is done in overcrowded buses with the same people who might have annoyed you on the ship.
Once you get to the vineyard or mountain or rustic village, the wine, climb, or scenery can be ruined by low-quality wine or dozens of people rushing up to sell you souvenirs.
Age Group Promises
Cruises are often sold as idyllic getaways where young people can sit by the pool, sip on colorful cocktails, and dance the night away. The image people have in their heads is a little like the picture below – younger people drinking, smiling, and flirting.
Countless movies have portrayed this fantasy and the advertising industry does a great job propping it up as well. Although this might be the case on some cruises, it’s certainly not the norm on all of them.
Age Group Realities
It’s true that there are special cruises that specifically cater to a younger demographic. Those are perfect for the Hollywood fantasy described above. However, if you were to choose a cruise at random, it’s more likely that the passengers would be in their 60s rather than their 20s.
Of course, there’s nothing wrong with being in your 60s, but if your idea is to party it up with other rambunctious 20-year-olds, then you’re in for a surprise. That surprise can be great if you’re looking for a low-key holiday.
Beach Promises
Cruises and beaches go together like peanut butter and jelly (or jam if that’s your, well, jam). After the stress of working most of the year, cruise ship passengers dream of lounging on a tropical beach with a mixed drink in hand, watching as the waves go in and out.
People hope to find that paradise experience near one of the ports on the cruise. However, it’s hard to get when the ship only stops for a few hours and everyone else is getting off as well.
Beach Realities
Although the words “secluded beach” and “cruise ship” are linked in the public imagination, they rarely go together in the real world. That’s because cruise ships are full of people and when they stop all those people rush to the beach.
Sure, you can head further away to try and find a nice little patch of quiet. However, it’s rare that you’ll be entirely away from the noise. If you came for a party, then that’s no problem at all – just join in with the fun.
Cruise Ship Schedules
Although working on a cruise ship can be a great way to meet other people your age and travel around the world, it would be naive to assume that the work is easy. Oftentimes, the shifts are long and the days off are short.
That’s fine if you don’t mind working 12-hour days nearly every day of the week. For some workers, this is perfect – it allows them to keep expenses low and savings high. However, it requires you to be comfortable only sleeping five or so hours a night.
Angry Customers
It may sound surprising, but there are quite a lot of angry passengers at sea. Some passengers expect to be catered to and pampered to every minute of every day of their cruise. When this doesn’t happen, they get angry.
That anger is usually directed at cruise ship staff. They have to deal with getting yelled at, getting spat on, and occasionally getting a fist (or an apple) thrown at them. Working onboard requires some thick skin and the ability to brush off unhappy customers.
Sunbathe or Nap?
Although some cruise ship realities are unpleasant, others are downright perfect. Case in point: the tweet below. Imagine the only problem you have is choosing between a sunbathing session on a beautiful beach or an afternoon nap in a hammock. Sounds like paradise.
That enviable choice is something that cruise ship employees and passengers get to deal with on their trips. Sure it’s not every day, but when those days happen they’re extra special. We vote for soaking in the sun and then taking a nap.
Stolen Identities
Despite having so little closet space, workers do manage to misplace their clothing sometimes. It should be obvious where things are stored, but maybe that tiny little name tag is harder to keep track of!
Whether it was a windy week or an alcohol-infused month, Jess seems to have lost one too many badges. Kylie is a really popular name right now, though!
Oysters and Mussels and Clams, Oh My
Stomach bugs are not really a crowd favorite in the best of times, but what about when everyone is trapped at sea? No fun, not even a little!
Given the bulk prepared for thousands of hungry guests, a stomach illness can spread through the whole ship in just a day! Needless to say, an entire ship of vomiting, pooping guests in a rage are no picnic for employees to please. They might be afflicted, as well!
Something's Fishy
So with all that free food, workers must be gaining weight like crazy! Hard to limit oneself at the buffet, right?
Not so fast, they say. The food workers eat can get seriously weird! While not forced to actually eat weird leftovers from people's plates, the employee dining is not quite as nice as the VIP paying cruisers.
Depending on what's actually available, tons of white rice and sardines might be on the menu. And it might be all the time!
Off to the Slammer
While passengers probably spend the majority of their time in restaurants, clubs, and pools onboard a luxury cruise, there are a few things beneath the deck that ensures it all runs smoothly. What giant vessel at sea would be complete without its own morgue and jail?
Indeed, most ships do have these features. They are ready for anything, and that is sadly often necessary. Employees report dealing with an average of one death per cruise! Not so fun fact: Most guests are over retirement age. Who would have guessed?
The Ship’s Bathroom – Expectations
When thinking about a restroom on a luxurious cruise ship, this is the picture that will enter most people’s minds. We fantasize about being surrounded by windows overlooking the sea, in a bright room, ideally featuring a private hot tub to relax in.
Despite the power of our fantasies, few cruise ship bathrooms resemble this one. For this level of luxury, a passenger needs to be prepared to pay for the most expensive room on the most expensive cruise ship. However, we still think the bathroom should be presentable.
The Ship’s Bathroom – Reality
Most passengers find their bathroom to be uncomfortably small. They’re lucky if they get a tiny portal window, but the view is the least of their problems. It’s difficult to do everything you need to do in such a cramped space, and for couples, there’s no hope of being able to take showers together.
We can fantasize about having a hot tub, a sink each, and a fantastic view of the ocean. However, if we wish to make that dream a reality, we’ll have to save up the big bucks in order to secure the most deluxe cruise ship room ever designed.
The Entertainment – Expectations
We're guaranteed many attractions and excitements on the boat. In the evenings, after supper, there should be live music, magic shows, comedy, and all sorts of other theatrics. This image, for instance, shows a Rascal Flatts show on a ship with an elated crowd and an exuberant atmosphere.
While this image is absolutely real, only the most luxurious (and expensive) cruise ships can afford to bring A-list artists on board. Let’s set our expectations right.
The Entertainment – Reality
Reality check: the live show presumably will not be from a famous performer but a striving singer who couldn't book a gig elsewhere. It’s best not to rely on the live show to be the most awesome aspect of the cruise. Those passengers who do are in for a harsh surprise.
More often than not, the "professional" entertainment is provided by a novice artist, and at times, it’s actually karaoke. Before booking a cruise, it’s a good idea to check what truly lies behind the advertised "live show."
The Casino – Expectations
Regardless of which cruise we're going on, we expect a casino that could match the best in Vegas. The pool may have been a mistake, and the live show was a failure, but the casino never fails.
We dressed to the nines, primed up our stomachs for an evening of drinking, filled our wallets with cash, and headed out to the casino. All the while, we’re envisioning the Bellagio or the MGM.
The Casino – Reality
The rooms are a lot more modest than anticipated because of the restricted space on the ship. The rooms, the lounge areas, and the common zones occupy the vast majority of the space inside the boat, so very little is left for the casino.
This image shows the dismal reality. Given that they have such a small space to work with, the “casino” is often little more than a few slot machines in a dim room. On the plus side, at least it might encourage people to reconsider gambling their savings away.
Boarding the Cruise Ship – Expectations
Hollywood motion pictures consistently make everything look so charming, including the most unimpressive of occasions, such as getting onto a plane or a boat. They cut out the part where we need to stand in interminably long queues, go through tedious check-in procedures, and trust that nothing will go wrong.
So we plan for the huge day, we pack our best garments, and we head out early because we can hardly wait to begin our excursion.
Boarding the Cruise Ship – Reality
On many occasions, boarding happens inside a terminal. Sometimes it does occur under a brilliant, radiant sky. However, that makes it imperative to pack sunscreen in your tote since you’ll be out in the blazing sun for some time.
Boarding luxurious cruise ships isn't what we envisioned it would be. In our creative minds, we never imagined cruise ships could offer such a bland boarding experience.
The Cruise Ship – Expectations
Cruise ships have elegant names, usually incorporating words like queen, princess, or anything that has to do with royalty. We anticipate that the ship should be nothing short of sublime, lavish, and enormous. However, there's a trick to this aspect of the ships – the more elegant the name, the less regal the ship often ends up being.
Indeed, grand, luxurious, and regal is how they generally look in those glossy brochures and promotions. Take this ship, for instance. It looks pretty amazing, we must concede.
The Cruise Ship – Reality
Not all cruise ships look as glitzy as the brochure suggests. They’re normally not as large, and they don’t always get to park on colorful seashores with the sunlight glinting perfectly off the white deck.
Once more, this relies a great deal upon the ship you've picked. However, it’s a general rule that they rarely maintain the unique shine and shimmer they once had. Some of them look old and corroded while the photograph in the ad was most likely taken when the boat was new.
The Weather – Expectations
The climate is a key factor in any excursion, regardless of whether it's a summer escape or a skiing trip. It is significantly more important on a cruise, where you go through the vast majority of the day outside. Regardless of how incredible the ships are, and how extraordinary the company, in the end, everything comes down to the climate. Terrible weather really can ruin your dream cruise.
A cruise is close to worthless without good weather. After all, a clear blue sky and the warmth of the sun are treats for the mind and body.
The Weather – Reality
If a storm moves in when you're on a cruise, you can’t really tap out. There's no spot to run since you're stuck on a moving boat. So, you're compelled to remain inside, either inside your room, the packed common zones, or the miserable casino.
We don't know which alternative is better, but we do know that we’d be praying for the weather to clear up the whole time. Even meteorologists admit their ability to predict weather patterns is limited. So praying is often a cruise ship passenger’s only option!
The Activities – Expectations
Cruise ships frequently offer a lot of activities on board to keep you constantly entertained. If you're the sort of individual who gets bored of spending hours by the pool simply lounging around and sitting idle, stress not. Cruise ships guarantee an assortment of adventures like water skiing, cinemas, and even indoor skydiving.
You most likely didn't have the foggiest idea about this, yet cruises are a competitive business, and most ships offer similar activities, tours, and facilities. This puts them under a lot of pressure to come up with unique ideas.
The Activities – Reality
Onboard activities can be very costly and they are often booked out instantly. This makes it essential for passengers to plan ahead and book the things they want to try. Otherwise, there’s little else to do but take part in the less popular activities, like watermelon carving.
Carving fruit creatures doesn't sound as invigorating as surfing or indoor skydiving? Even when a passenger books the exercises ahead of time, they usually still need to stand in line, and that is hardly an ideal way to spend a trip.
The Cruise Ship Spa – Expectations
Nothing says "getaway" like a relaxing spa. We travel to unwind, loosen up, abandon our difficulties, and leave work stress behind. There’s no greater method to unwind than a decadent spa day and a soothing massage that leaves you invigorated and revived.
The ambiance in the spa alone is enough to put a person in vacation mode. We feel the cruise ship spa ought to be as luxurious as a five-star hotel. Given the nature of this list, however, we’re doubtful as to what we’ll actually find.
The Cruise Ship Spa – Reality
This spa doesn't look like a calming place. In fact, it looks like the opposite. It seems like it would make us considerably tenser. Those lounges look like they’re made of stone.
In addition to the questionable ambiance, the spa often doesn’t get the ventilation it really needs, making the rooms muggy and tacky from all the steam and treatments. After a big day of the cruise activities, it's the last spot you'd want to be.
Ocean Tours – Expectations
Maybe the greatest benefit of a cruise is the opportunity to be out in the midst of the ocean where we may be able to catch a brief look at its mystical untamed life. While there are no guarantees, we're trusting that if we invest sufficient time on deck, we may see sharks, dolphins, and other ocean animals that we don't frequently encounter.
It probably isn’t the fundamental reason why individuals go on cruises, yet recognizing the staggering diversity of marine life is certainly a reward. Then there’s the tantalizing promise of being able to swim with dolphins. Do cruises really deliver on such encounters with ocean creatures?
Ocean Tours – Reality
If a passenger is hoping to see fascinating fish on their trip, they will likely be in for a whole lot of disappointment. Odds are they will not see dolphins perform their mesmerizing acrobatics. Indeed, they are highly unlikely to experience any novel encounters. From high up on the deck of a cruise ship, a person has little hope of being in the right place at the right time to witness a sea creature breaking the surface.
What passengers do get to witness is miles and miles of endless ocean, with nothing to break the monotony. Of course, this is amazing in its own way, but after days of seeing no land and no animals, it’s easy to get a little stir-crazy. Again, going on cruises is absolutely not what we anticipate that it should be. However, we must say, the sunrises and sunsets are spectacular.
Romantic Dates – Expectations
There's nothing more charming than watching the sun sink over the horizon on a warm night with the person you love, isn't that so? This scene is common in romantic films and novels, however, don't go searching for this idea of a whimsical date on a cruise ship.
We've already revealed that you won’t find a private moment on a cruise as the public areas are always packed. Sadly, the only way you could witness the sunset with your partner without being jostled by other passengers trying to take selfies is if you had a decent view from your room.
Romantic Dates – Reality
Tracking down a private spot on the deck where you could have a peaceful moment with the person you love is almost unattainable. However, not all expectations are lost – cruise ships regularly offer an assortment of couple’s activities.
Romantic activities abound, but privacy? Not a chance. Instead, you could take a couple's class like the one shown in the picture above. Don't have to stress over booking a spot ahead of time because couple’s classes are rarely completely reserved.
Motion Sickness – Expectations
Travel sickness is a genuine possibility, though they generally neglect to mention it in the cruise commercials. It doesn't happen to everybody, but it's much more common than many people realize. Those stepping onto a ship for the first time often have a rude awakening waiting for them.
When we're on dry land, it's easier to do something about nausea when it strikes. If it’s the motion of the ocean getting a passenger sick, there’s much less they can do to remedy the situation. It’s not like anyone can ask the ship to stop rocking!
Motion Sickness – Reality
Some people are more sensitive to the endless rocking motion and are more inclined to experience seasickness. In the most severe cases, medication doesn’t work, and the poor passenger experiences headaches and nausea throughout the entirety of the cruise.
We hate to be the bearers of bad news, but everybody is susceptible to seasickness. We've even heard about voyages in which so many people suffered from seasickness that they had to abort the journey.
The Titanic Moment – Expectations
Whenever a couple goes on a cruise, at least one of them is usually fantasizing about having a heartfelt encounter complete with the icing on the cake – the iconic Titanic moment. There is something undeniably magical about standing together at the bow, sunset in the background, and the endless ocean stretching out ahead.
We've all seen the widely praised film – it's a work of art. Supposedly, plenty of people book cruises just to get an opportunity to recreate this historic scene.
The Titanic Moment – Reality
As demonstrated by the photograph beneath, recreating the Titanic scene isn’t as epic as it seems. No matter how solid a relationship is or how keen each partner is to get their Jack and Rose on, the ships simply aren’t designed like the Titanic anymore.
Snapping a photo without a bunch of other travelers in the background is also an impossibility most of the time. On top of this, the romantic moment would be destroyed by the commotion and music coming from the bar.
The Ship’s Crew – Expectations
We expect the luxurious ship's crew to be similarly dignified and accommodating. Their sole reason, to us, is to serve the passengers, and we like to think they make the most of their job.
Most of us assume it must be pretty enjoyable work – they get to appreciate the tours, see the wonderful views, explore different countries, and get paid instead of forking out cash like the passengers. What’s not to love?
The Ship’s Crew – Reality
We've revealed how minuscule the passenger rooms can be, so it should come as no surprise that the crew's living quarters are even tinier. They don't get lavish rooms, and on top of this, they’re usually housed deep down in the belly of the boat.
Cruise ship crews work nonstop, so they don't have the opportunity to appreciate the facilities and activities. While passengers lounge by the pool and complain about small inconveniences, they're serving drinks, scrubbing floors, and keeping the massive ship and all its facilities running.
Pirates – Expectations
Let's face it, we have sympathy for pirates thanks to watching films like Pirates of the Caribbean, and this puts a rather glorious image in our minds when we think of what we may encounter on the high seas. After all, who wouldn’t want to meet Jack Sparrow?
This was one of Johnny Depp's greatest roles, and he is a major reason why the film franchise was so successful. Because of this film, we think of pirates as the beguiling, entertaining, and somewhat insane characters we saw on the big screen. In short, we romanticize them.
Pirates – Reality
In reality, pirates are nothing like Jack Sparrow. They certainly do exist, but pirate life is far bleaker than the film depicts. They don't have impressive ships, they don't have sassy parrot friends, and they don't go out on thrilling adventures seeking buried treasure.
Real pirates are individuals searching for ships to loot. Though they are dangerous, and definitely not welcome on a cruise ship, they’re often drawn to the lifestyle out of desperation. All in all, there’s nothing romantic about it.
The Beverages – Expectations
A holiday isn't complete without your favorite drink in your hand. Whether you’re into mojitos or virgin cocktails, you likely have a specific picture of what the beverages ought to resemble on a cruise ship; they ought to be served in tall glasses, gorgeously embellished, with a spot of lemon and a long straw.
Some should even be served in a coconut, right? Similar to the food, we anticipate free drinks and an enormous assortment of invigorating beverages to try, and we hope to be able to try new and exciting options every day.
The Beverages – Reality
In truth, the beverages aren't as impressive as we anticipate. The assortment is always more modest than what we expect, and elaborate mixed drinks aren't on the menu. On most cruise ships, you get your beverages from a self-service bar, and you wind up drinking them on plastic seats. The image below offers all the proof you need.
Did somebody say daytime drinking? As a rule, cruise ship bars don't work day in and day out, so you may only be given the option of ordering cocktails in the evening.
The Pool – Expectations
Most people have imagined themselves lying by the poolside on a cruise ship, calmly reading a book and appreciating the calming sound of the waves and the delicate breeze rustling your hair.
That is the way they sell this experience, yet tragically, 'serene' is the last word you could use to portray the reality of cruise ship pools. You may want a calm day by the pool, but so does every other traveler.
The Pool – Reality
The pool on a ship may be awesome and surpass our expectations, but it also may be far too small to accommodate the crowd. Our main issue isn't with the pool but with different travelers on the ship. The sooner you understand you share the ship with others, the better.
Did you think each one of those individuals from the boarding line would mysteriously vanish the following day? They all need to appreciate the best features the ship has to offer, and the pools are high on the list.
The Wildest Confessions From Cruise Ship Workers
Everyone needs a little luxury at sea sometimes. And as it turns out, cruisin' is the solution for around 20 million people a year! In such a bustling industry, a qualified fleet of workers definitely needs to run it all. What do these folks actually do though, behind the scenes?
As part of the hospitality industry, cruise ship employees are paid to make vacationers as happy as possible. But what are their days — and nights — really like out on the choppy seas, year round?
Say My Name
There are different levels of travel out there, and cruises are no different. Ultra-luxury ships exist, of course. And for workers, the perks are definitely better onboard these special vessels. Is it all extra fun and games, though?
Indeed, it is not. Increased ticket prices mean increased perks for the guests, first and foremost. This includes being greeted personally and trying to remember 800 names can be close to impossible. Special personalized service is key for tips, of course!
Collecting That Booty
First and foremost, what are these smiling faces actually paid? As it turns out, most positions offer an hourly wage. Altogether, it might add up to $1,200-$2,500 a month. But wait, the benefits!
While most people have to subtract obvious living expenses from that salary stub, the cruise ship itself is an amazing perk. No housing, no car payments, no food costs, and no laundry are part of this lifestyle.
Some workers even report free dry cleaning and housekeeping! Alcohol tends to be expensive onboard, however. More about that soon, mates!
Sharing is Caring
And what about the lodging, captain? MTV Cribs never took a look at this lifestyle, did they? Let's take a peek below deck!
Basic workers might have free digs, but living quarters are often shared. And sadly, that doesn't mean double the space! Shared cabins are tiny, cramped, and hardly private. Three workers use the same room, and dating can be awkward. Think about it!
King of the Cruise
For the lucky few, single rooms do exist! Still, tiny is the operative word. Barely larger than the size of the mattress itself, officers get to enjoy this private heaven most of the time.
Apparently, this means a lot to the cruise ship working ladies. Just a bit of privacy makes a big difference in love life outcomes, and most people can probably understand why!
King of the Seas
A major perk of any travel job is certainly the travel! In a globalized world, people have bigger bucket lists than ever. But oh, the expenses!
Working on a cruise ship means that the stops in foreign ports are constant. Passengers get to stroll around and see new islands, and so do workers from time to time!
Anyone with the travel bug will get a lot of that out of their system in this industry, fast. They might even find a brand new appreciation for home sweet home! Funny how that works, sometimes.
Super Secret Extra Stuff
Most industries offer perks for employees directly related to the product, and it's always a lucky day when that means tropical cruises!
Almost every cruise company offers an employee discount after a year. And it's significant stuff! Taking the family on a cruise for $15 a day is not unheard of, and that's a big deal to working people who want to see the world. It's all about those benefits, baby.
Forever Young
Cruise ship cabins often operate like wild college dorms, and that seems fun at first. After all, there's very little to do onboard besides pursue women and drink! But years of this lifestyle do take their toll, as long term workers explain.
Too much smoking and drinking combined with long, grueling hours ages human beings. Yes, even on sunny cruises. Something to keep in mind for newbies in the industry, perhaps!
Crappy Times
Many might expect a power outage is no fun onboard a cruise, but the chaos is worse than it sounds. Much, much worse.
A lack of electricity quickly means overflowing toilets and increasing temperatures in tiny insulated rooms! Passengers may be forced to sleep on deck, and the special stabilizers that help the ship cruise smoothly are offline. Toilets sloshing around a hot ship swaying from side to side? No thank you, captain!
But Why is the Rum Gone?
During downtime, naps are not always the first choice. Watching guests enjoy their own vacations make partying even more appealing! Who can really be a bystander when there's dancing and rum all around, all the time?
Employees say they party hard, and there are Instagram accounts to prove it! To get around alcohol limits, it is common to add blue food coloring to vodka and put it in a mouthwash bottle. Pirate tactics, very impressive!
All the Mer-Maids
Friends are forever, and cruise ship family is no different. Floating out at sea away from civilization would be quite lonely without a solid posse, wouldn't it?
In general, friends get us through the choppy times in life. Thirteen hours a day of labor followed by dinner, discussion, and leisure do make for some close bonding! How could it be any other way?
The girl gangs on board rival no other, and that's a good thing when weathering the storm is literally a part of the job.
The Luxurious Hot Tubs – Expectations
When seeing cruise ship flyers, what catches us, in particular, are the pools and the extravagant hot tubs. We envision unwinding in the hot tub without anyone else around, with a decent book in one hand and a cocktail in the other. Obviously, we’d then need to take the ideal picture to post on social media and make our followers jealous.
In any case, the perfect picture does not involve us sitting in a tepid hot tub with a gathering of sweaty, drunk strangers.
The Luxurious Hot Tubs - Reality
The only way you'd enjoy a cruise ship hot tub in peace is if you had one in your room. Just like the pool, you can guarantee that the hot tub will be consistently packed.
In the morning, it will be filled by older folks who are often the first to rise. When they’re ready to move on, the families will take over, and then before long, the party crew will be out in full force. Cruise ship hot tubs never get a break.
Bubble Bubble, Toil and Trouble
For those sensitive to seasickness, no need to apply to this job. Frankly, even the shower experience could be nauseating!
Sounds like it could be a bit of an adventure, for the right candidate. Rocky seas, shampoo, please! Shower time is usually a way to soap up and clear off all those suds, but a little creativity might be necessary on the rougher days.
Way Too Much TMI
Sadly, a big part of the job seems to be catching lovers in the act. Not in their rooms, of course. Public places seem to be just as popular with drunk, crazy vacationers!
For the workers, it's a little bit awkward to intervene. Nobody likes to stop a good love story, but the pool? Under tables and in lifeboats? Things have a time and place, people!
Everyone may be floating in international waters, but there are still some basic rules of decency. Try it, and find out the hard way!
Blastin' in Barbados
It's definitely not unheard of for a big name to pop by for a performance or two on a luxury cruise. In these cases, special cabins and separate lounges and recreation are set aside for them. They even get to use the officer's facilities!
But do they stay on board for weeks after their performance? Are they actually stuck at sea with their fans?
No, they have their escape route. Big stars board and leave at the ports along the way, and then go about their VIP celebrity business. No one should be shocked!
Risky Business
Cruise ship workers report that they get hit on all the time by guests. It sounds like a great way to meet a cabin partner!
Well, maybe just one time. As soon as this is discovered, the cruise company fires the offending employee! Dropped off at the next island, frisky workers will be abandoned without immediate pay to return home. In summary, this is a big no-no!
Jaws is Sad
For anyone who has seen Titanic — meaning everyone — the prospect of a sinking ship is no laughing matter.
Even if the ship cruises the warm Caribbean waters, there are definitely sharks floating around at all times! Freezing to death or becoming a sea snack seems like an occupational hazard few would really sign up for in good times. Is that a big concern onboard?
As it turns out, scary storms do not freak out long term employees. The vessel is the size of a tiny island! It's not as easy as it sounds to capsize, and the ship has stabilizers. Not your average rowboat, people!
Poor Unfortunate Souls
While most of us are smart enough to stay away from the ledge between life and the stormy abyss, there are a variety of people sober and intoxicated who like to live on the edge. Or even jump off the ledge!
When this does occur, the cruise staff spend hours trying to determine where they have fallen off the ship. Often, it is impossible to find them. The sea can be harsh, as well as this job sometimes!
FML Dinner Edition
With 3,000 guests onboard a cruise ship at one time, there are plenty of hungry mouths to feed at least three times a day. Keeping the customer happy means keeping their bellies full, but the staff gets their own tummy rumblings too!
Snacking all day and then gorging some more is part of the magic of vacation. But it certainly sounds tough to go to the back of the line when food is finally in sight! Patience is a virtue, or so they say.
James Bond Style
External hard drives are may seem unnecessary to most of us, but what about the chronic sea adventurers? It seems that the concept of value changes a lot when one spends the year just floating around!
Wi-Fi does exist, but it costs a lot! Without a staff discount, this amenity threatens to eat up all the lifestyle savings cruise workers would otherwise enjoy. The solution: Pre-loaded hard drives chock full o' movies and tunes! Problem solved.
Blame it on the A-A-A-A-A-Alcohol
Some companies have noticed the crazy amounts of rum going on, employee-wise. As a result, the rules in the industry have been changing. Sad times, for the party animals on the crew!
Zero alcohol policies are being enforced more and more, and some ships refuse to serve medical and engine employees at all. With a growing specialty in the legal field for cruise ship lawsuits, this should come as no surprise. The times, they are a-changin'!
My Brain Will Not Go On
Apparently, customers like to ask many of the same questions cruise after cruise. It gets predictable, but one inquiry seems like it's officially past the exportation date. No, none of the workers know Jack or Rose!
Yes, more than two decades have passed since Titanic came out in theaters, but it's time to move on! As most people do know, it was never real anyway. These are totally fictional characters!
The Bedrooms – Expectations
If you've never been on a cruise, you likely envision the rooms as being as lavish as a five-star hotel. You anticipate a luxurious room with top-of-the-line facilities and an amazing sea view.
Obviously, the rooms vary from one cruise ship to another, and some are more extravagant than others. It depends on the ship and the cost of the room. Still, we expected a certain degree of luxury. It is a cruise after all.
The Bedrooms – Reality
As indicated by some exceptionally baffled cruise passengers, the rooms may be much more modest than anticipated. Cruise ships look enormous outwardly, and they are, but they also house hundreds of passengers, which implies that not all rooms can be as large as the passenger might like.
Many rooms don’t even have ocean views. However, they do offer pictures of beaches and ocean waves, which is just as good, right?
The Dining Hall – Expectations
We generally assume a five-star cruise ship is equivalent to a five-star hotel, yet in reality, the two are so vastly different. We expect the dining hall, and the food, to be extravagant and lavish, with an enormous assortment of meals, a culinary expert directing the food, and a ceiling fixture fit for the five-star rating.
We're committed devotees of the buffet – having unlimited choices for breakfast, lunch, and supper is the best part about a vacation. The question is, what does this buffet really look like on a cruise ship?
The Dining Hall – Reality
In reality, the assortment at the buffet of a cruise ship often leaves a lot to be desired. Even so, the lines are almost always long. The dining hall regularly looks like a secondary school cafeteria. Once more, this depends a lot on the cruise selected – some of them offer a premium dining experience, but of course, this comes with a premium price tag.
While the dining area may be less than impressive, making regular use of it is a good sign – it means you haven’t gotten seasick, which is one of the worst things that can happen on a cruise.
The Gifts – Expectations
Bringing keepsakes back for our loved ones when we travel abroad has become a social tradition, and it's now viewed as impolite not to do as such. More often than not, these keepsakes are cheap, useless trinkets that end up gathering dust.
While on vacation, we hope to return with a bag twice as full as the one we took. There’s something delightful about hunting around, hoping to track down mysterious local shops with classy, extraordinary, one-of-a-kind items with which to wow our loved ones. This photo shows exactly the kind of store we’re talking about.
The Gifts – Reality
As it turns out, the gift stores most people find on their cruise leave a lot to be desired. What they tend to find are cheap clothing stands on the street, with tacky shirts and shabby dresses that never get worn again once the cruise is over. More often than not, the ship carries you to worn-out tourist traps that all sell similar, overpriced items.
As much as we disdain these shops, we can't return home empty-handed, thus we purchase those pricey shirts and feel bitter about it. At least it supports the local economy, right?
The Tender – Expectations
If you've been on a cruise previously, you may know that the ship can't always dock at a port when it makes a stop. When this is the case, travelers are moved to shore in little groups by a tender (a smaller boat that is connected to the ship).
In our creative minds, this tender would be a small, classy speed boat that takes a handful of travelers to shore at a time. We imagine something like the image above, or perhaps a boat out of Baywatch or a James Bond film.
The Tender – Reality
The truth is, as you’ve probably come to expect by now, far less glamorous. Riding in the tender looks nothing like a scene out of Baywatch. Instead, you’re crammed into an ugly little boat with around 50 other passengers. Obviously, the boat ride is short, so it isn't cooled. Your only option is to open one of the small windows. Instead of being greeted with a gentle sea breeze, however, you’ll likely be hit with salt spray.
The tender is usually packed full of people, and everyone boards haphazardly and hastily, so you may wind up sitting next to strangers. With that said, don’t get your expectations up if you’re planning on booking a cruise!
Tour Destinations – Expectations
While a few of us go on cruise vacations to revel in the ship’s amenities, the truth is, nobody truly appreciates ocean travel. When it really comes down to it, we're there to enjoy the extraordinary destinations promised to us by the cruise company. It's implied that when booking a cruise, you need to check ahead of time to see what these places are going to be like.
The handouts are usually loaded with photographs of wondrous seashores and intriguing spots. However, these are often random photographs of beautiful places that won’t even be visited on this particular voyage. Try not to get tricked by these photographs – they simply show you what you want to see.
Tour Destinations – Reality
Get ready for this fact: The tour destinations may be a failure, and you may wind up going through seven days of seasickness in vain. They don't generally take you to wonderful, secluded seashores (despite what the pamphlets imply) as the ships are simply too large to dock in such places.
If you're going with your family, ensure the destinations are reasonable for all ages, so everybody can enjoy their sea travels. Otherwise, you and your kids will return home disappointed and sad.
99 Problems But a Ship Ain't One
People always have their complaints, but cruise ship workers say they get some silly feedback. Whether passengers are mad at how loud the ocean actually is, or demand that the boat stays longer at a port just for them out of thousands of guests, the staff have a lot to deal with.
In America, the customer is always right. Does that still apply out at sea? Guests would say yes, of course!